I've become so numb I can't feel you there...

This is the last time I'm fucking eating this much in....forever. I swear to god I ate every fucking meal today and a basket of chips. I feel like a fucking retard.

What is wrong with me?

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Okay, so I'm on the phone with my friend Keni, the craziest girl in the world and we decided to be random, but we're always random.
So, I'm writing a slash fic about her and her best friend, and yesterday I asked her who would top.
She didn't know, so I said she would bottom because she didn't seem like a top.

Today, we continue this amazing conversation, and it goes a little something like this:
( - is her and * is me)
- So Erin said she would top.
*Good, cause I see you as a bottom.
- Hey, I can totally top someone! I'm a great top.
*No, you can't top. If you can't Yell then you can't Top!
(spontaneous laughter for like...five minutes)
- Wait, why can't I top anyone?
*Well....maybe you can top a mute person...
- A mute person? Are you serious? What if I top someone who's really quiet?
*No. It has to be a mute person!
- But but....fine...
*Mmhmm!
(giggles)
- Don't you do most of the yelling when you bottom anyway?
* No, it's not the same! Those are ecstasy groans!
- It's the same thing.
* Ecstasy Groans and Yelling are not the same thing.
(more insane laughter)

And then I decided to post this amazingness. Now she's telling me interesting facts, and it's not nearly as fun as the Topping conversation.
I miss it, because it provides for insane laughter.
Keni has no clue....*giggles*

- And his name is Kevin...now isn't that cool? I think people named Kevin are the coolest people ever.
(I think she totally wants to rape this boy, because she enjoys talking about him)

Okay, now time to write about Slayton's boyfriend!

Ta ta!

So I'm chillaxing in my Business Essentials class, being all bored and I've decided that I'm going to ignore the stupid college spreadsheet I'm making and post a lovely entry on here because I just love you all that much.

Oh, and in addition to ignoring class, I'm typing up oneshots for you lovely people. Be glad and rejoice from the amazingness of me! Just kidding.

Wow...so I think I'm going to change my layout. It's too bright for me, so expect a new layout for this entry and beyond, hopefully.

I love having subs when our teachers go into meetings. It means they don't pay attention, and I get to avoid everything that's called college.

Another....50 minutes of class left. I think I'll start another oneshot in that time! Ta Ta!

 So I did write the thing called a *slightly depressed* Jovin oneshot.. I'll post it when I get home, but right now I have to say...


I totally sat in my astronomy class today and listened to my iPod the entire time and my teacher didn't give a shit! I was soo happy! I mean, Linkin Park was...stalking my ears...if that's possible.

Yeah, I = randomness, but that's why you read this, right?

 So I'm the kind of girl who decides that when it comes to a bus ride to school, it consists of an iPod and sleep. Sadly enough, this was not the case today. Today I didn't fall asleep on the bus. Today, I listened to some Linkin Park and enjoyed watching the people around me sleep. Sadly enough, I was so amused by watching people that my gaze turned to a couple on our bus, and I just couldn't look away.

I swear they probably knew I was staring, but I didn't care. I just couldn't stop looking at their hands clasped together, looking at each other and smiling. Just watching their hands together caused an unimaginable pain in my heart because they know what it's like to be in love (they've been dating for...three years or so now).

I just, for once...I just want to know what that feels like. To not be the fat ugly girl and be considered pretty in someone's eyes. I want to know what it's like to love and be loved, because just sitting here wondering if I can even begin to imagine how that works, I know I cannot feel it.

Seeing things like that, those normal everyday things, just make me heartbroken in a way because no matter what I do I can't seem to ever find someone who cares about me in the slightest.

I don't know, maybe I'm just crazy and there is some guy who likes me, but from what I see, there isn't.

Surely enough a JB oneshot will come out of this...

Surely enough.

~Rhee

 Okay, does someone want to send me electricity as an amazing present, because I don't think I'm going to be able to stand going home tonight and writing slash by candlelight once again. It might just kill me this time...

On the plus side, I've started a new story...

On the so not plus side I've officially abandoned Jersey Boy and Purity Disaster...I'm a bitch like that, I know

Right now, I need like, a mental breakdown to happen so I can be locked away to never return and write another story again.

Any ideas how to do that?

Okay, I have not had power in...52 hours, and I'm about to scream. The only way I'm able to tell you this is because I'm at school doing...."homework" This really really sucks, and I so want power so I can give you all my random fics that I wrote this weekend.

But i have no power or time to type them up here...

>.< Life is hard...

Wherever there's a hope there's a way, right?

They scream from the top of the highest tower.
They beg to be released from their prison of steel
But their pleas fall on deaf ears.
No one cares that they're locked away; hid from the world.
No one could even bother.
They don't want to care.
Caring means they'd actually have to feel and think for themselves.
They'd rather just fight all day long without a single thought.
They'd rather just scream until the people who love them break.
Who want's to care anymore?
Their hearts are numb from the lack of feeling.
They're as icy as ever,
And there's no going back.

They're stuck there for infinity.


It will never end.

Somewhere in this universe exists a girl around the age of sixteen years old. She lives in a urban city in Pennsylvania and is slightly wacky when it comes to her life. Why do we talk about her you wonder. Out of the six billion people in the world there's this girl who struggles every day to find herself and live in a place that doesn't want her, so why focus on her?

Why you may ask...

She is the reason this page exists. She is the reason that you come to this page and read updates.

This is her story.